seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
