WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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