well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
