I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
