My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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