I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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