I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
