I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
