Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
