there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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