Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just found puke in my bra..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
