a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
