what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
