I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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