my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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