Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
