So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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