Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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