Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
