I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
