Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
