420 ftw
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
