This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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