There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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