I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
