I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
