dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
