yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
