If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You are the jesus of drinking
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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