All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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