I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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