Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
