the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Randomize
