What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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