I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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