So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
