he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
