She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
