she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
