do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
