i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
