god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
