Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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