It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
