So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
