my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
