just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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