community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
is that a dick in a sweater?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
