Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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