From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
