I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
