I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
