So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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