just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
