Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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