i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
