It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
