I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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