Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
