she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
