sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
