Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
