I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
