It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
