just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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