things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
