dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
