She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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