i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
