Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(423): View more from Tennessee

my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"

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(703): View more from Virginia

The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."

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(519): View more from Ontario

Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.

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(758): View more from St. Lucia-Carib

He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure

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(210): View more from Texas

Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?

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(317): View more from Indiana

They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year

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