im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
