Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
