I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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